June 2, 2010

Goin Big Time

Big news my loyal flock! We are going big time.
All new Twitter, all new Facebook and best of all an all new and improved home.
Check in to the new place right HERE

And best of all, no more advertising. Just rants, raves and political incorrectness.

May 25, 2010

Empty V Cribs

Recently a group of "we know better than you" lawmakers have taken on the task to protect the world by banning drop side cribs. Not familiar with this product, ask a mom or do a google image search. It's exactly what it says, a crib that allows one side to be lowered by a lever mechanism so that the parent can more easily pick up a screaming carpet monkey while not having to bend over a too high crib rail.

These cribs have been around for 100's of years (ok maybe just 1 hundred)and in all that time there has been 23 death related to the product. Most of which were the sides not being properly locked and falling on a kids head or squeezing down on said kids throat.

TWENTY THREE!! Seriously!! I'm no mathmatition,hell I cant even SPELL it, but 23 seems like a pretty small number to go all "ban this devil made product" on the world. I'd bet more people die in the shower from slip and falls on a monthly basis and we arn't all screaming for a Jihad on SOAP.

Now lord knows, I love me a some cute kids, but stupid is stupid. Chances are if these 23 kids didn't die from some wacky crib accident then their idiot parents would have found another way to do them in. Natural selection always has a way of sorting these things out.

May 3, 2010

Good For Ewe Arizona!

Recently, some crazy chick over in Arizona passed a law that mandates the local authoritys to stop and ID anyone who "looks like" an illegle alien(basically, all latins). Kudos to you I say. Bout time we started thinning the herd.

Some people(mostly latinos)are super pissed of course and say this new law violates their rights. Other people(with money)are pissed because they don't know who will mow their lawns and pick their crops. And still more people are pissed just because they havn't had anything to be pissed about for a while.

First of all, it doesn't violate anyones rights. You have the RIGHT to shut the fuck up, show your ID and enjoy the bounty which is our amazing country. Remember why you hopped that slow boat to get here in the first place? Because its BETTER here. The reason its better here is because we have RULES. If ya don't like them rules, I believe high tide is around 7pm, get to paddling.

Secondly, mow your own yard! You got kids, poor neighbors, or an unemployed brother? Throw them a few bucks and watch that landscaping turn to gold. Produce? Pick your own. There are countless orchards in this country that not only allow you to do this but they also LOVE it when you bring the wife and kids and make a day of it. Hell, take the entire 4th grade out to a local orchard and teach them where shit comes from.

As far as the rest of you bleeding heart ACLU sheep fuckers. Its the AMERICAN Civil Liberties Union(I think...really too lazy to research that but Im an American, I have that right).

Now im sure theres a posse of Pedros out there yelling that they were born here and shouldn't be subject to such indignity. Welllll your wrong! Look at your rear view mirror. See that Mexican/Rican flag you got dangling there? Well it's just that heritage, just those ancestors that set you up to be profiled. Sure you were born here, but were THEY? Did they arrive here and go through their citizenship classes and pass the tests and swear in AS a legal citizen? Or did they just fly under the radar, take shit jobs, leach off the system around them and not contribute to America the way our good people have, paying taxes, voting and making a difference. My dad once told me that "you are judged by the company you keep". If you were born here take pride in "here". You've probably never even BEEN "there"(and if you have, it must not have been good enough to keep you there).

It takes more to be an American than just plopping down on our soil and breeding.

April 30, 2010

Bout Time For Some New Rules

If a woman wears a tube top, it is perfectly acceptable to pull it down.

If a hot woman bends over in front of you..go ahead..get some.

If you are in the presence of sunburnt boobs, bongo the shit out of them.

If you see a womans "whale tale" hanging out, free wedgey!

Guys should be nut checked once a day, just to keep them on their toes.

If a woman is NOT wearing a bra it is acceptable to comment/tweak or pull on her hard nipples. (same goes for a dude in a bathing suit).

If you don't like what someone else is wearing, feel FREE to tell them and go into great detail the list of reasons why.

April 26, 2010

CommEWEnity Theater

Recently there has been a huge outcry about Florida's funding of the arts or lack or cut of said funds. Heres the thing, as an actor, improvist and overall theatrical guy, I think what the art "community" doesn't realize is that "art" is a HOBBY and doesn't deserve free money. Stick with me on this one, it may piss you off (but i promise there is a point).

Lets say your a golfer. Not a Tiger Woods golfer, but a fairly good weekend golfer none the less. Some rich guy buys a huge chunk of land and builds a golf course to play on. He keeps it impeccibly maintained, stocks a nice snack bar and even lets you practice for free before a big tournement. Of course when the tourney takes place, he charges YOU a $100 entry fee and also charges the people who want to watch Tiger kick your ass $200 each for a nice seat on the 9th fareway (thats like the 50 yard line, right?). This scenario goes on all over the world probably every weekend and there is even a tv channel dedicated to showing it 24 hours a day.

The rich guy took a chance, invested in a business to support his hobby, ended up making some good money over all and has a nice house to show for it.

NOW lets say he makes some bad choices/the economy tanks/his wife leaves him and takes her half...whatever..and he winds up not being able to hold the big upcoming tournament. What should he do? Surely there must be a Funding for The Golfs. After all, golf is(so im told)a legitimate sport. Hell, it's even in the olympics. The answer of course being NO, fuck the course owner. He lost the business game, no take backs, no bail outs!

With all of that being spewed, replace that golf course scenario with a theater in your town. Theater is a business(Community theater is a hobby). If a person is going to open a theater they should do so with the understanding they need money. Not "funding" money, but business money. Just like the above golf course, get a wad of cash, open your theater, sell tickets at a price that will both pay your rent and pay your actors and thrive on till your a gozillionare, broke, retired or living comfortable.

If your running a theater and not paying your actors, where the hell is that ticket money going? Rent you say? Then you arn't running a business, your running a HOBBY.

Don't get me wrong, community/hobby theater is an outstanding way for actors, directors, producers and crew to learn the craft of theater. But if you can't at least throw them some gas money or buy them a meal each night then you, as the theater/hobbiest are simply using people to stroke your ego and accomodate your hobby.

Why is there a Funding for The Arts but not a Funding for Fat Guys Who Eat Twinkies in Public? Hmm maybe Twinkie guy just needs to call his lunch an "installation".


April 13, 2010

Ewe Poor Sick Bastard

As far as conspiracy theorys go, The Bilderberg Group fuels some of the finest around. If your not familiar with them and their story, click the link, read all about it and come on back.

One of their biggest missions is population control. Obviously there are way to damn many sheep fuckers on this planet and for years the group has devised ways to thin the herd. Follow me on this for a minute, it gets sort of wierd.

Lets start with AIDS. When I was growing up in the 70's there was no AIDS (that we knew of) then from out of nowhere, some African guy apparently sexes up a monkey, said monkey bites some other person and in the span of 6 years every gay guy in a bathhouse is spreading AIDS through out the world (nut shell). It becomes a pandemic, millions die, still no cure. Perfect! The group has found a way to thin a portion of the herd.

Perfect though, may not be so perfect. People realize how to prevent it (condoms) with little to no help from the CDC. DAMNIT, they say in their smug voices. Them faggots are too smart for us. We need a better idea.

You got it boss!  Asian Bird Flu, party of 3 million. what better way to spread a herd thinner that to attach it to a bird! They fly all over the world, shitting on people of every race, age and sex. Its the perfect way to spread it, not get blamed for it and sence they bred it in Asia, the most populated place in the world, more people will die off per capita and our work is done. WHAT? Well fuck me, they say again in their collective smugness. Asians invent everything, we should have seen it coming. Stupid respirator masks. Who knew they would make a fashion statement out of them? Balls gentlemen, BALLS I say!  Anybody got a plan C?

Well boss, we could..now stay with me...we could ask some of our own farmers to fuck with the feed and develope something right here. I mean damn, everybody eats FOOD. Especially them negros. Perfect!
SWINE FLU!  You pork lovin, ham sucking, pork rind eatin dumb asses will never know what hits ya. Go ahead, enjoy another hot dog ya fat bastard, we'll make more.

So, here is the big picture problem. Not all people will want to some to all of these partys and they especially won't all show up fast enough to make a dent in the population. You see, now that we are sitting in a huge recession (also controlled by them) people are broke and can't afford to go out and buy new toys or take fun vacations SOOOO they stay home and fuck and breed and RE-FILL the population quicker that people are dying off.

My god Jim, what do we do? WHAT, DO, WE, DO? Force it on them damnit! These sheep fuckers are getting cocky. How dare they not die off when we want them to. Get that guy that apprenticed with Dr. Kavorkian to develope a vaccine we can inject straight into them. We'll sell it as a preventitive. Lord knows they will never question it/ (insert evil laugh)

**you do all know that vaccines contain small traces of what ever it is supposed to"prevent" in each innoculation don't you?**

Unfortunatly, some dumbass figured they could not only thin the herd, but make MONEY off this plan. Greed is usually at the sorce of all good plans. So they figured, HEY, lets not only shoot this crap into their arms, but charge them 25 bucks for the privilage. (insert another evil laugh).

You dumbass' the people we are trying to get rid of don't HAVE money, thats half the reason we want to get rid of them in the FIRST place. They are scum, they have nothing, they are dregs on society, they are The UnderClass. We should just give it out for free. You know these sheep fuckers will take our handouts, they have already bled social security, welfare and food stamps dry.

:drumroll: HEALTH CARE REFORM!  Free death for everyone! Population control by 2014!
We Will Win! We Will Win!