Ewe Are What You Wear

Because I have the please of seeing about 20,000 people a day, it's painfully obvious that most people either follow some sort of practical joke trend, don't have mirrors or wish they were someone else.

In the past year or so, I have noticed that women of all ages and (puke) sizes have come under the misconception that stretch pants make them look good. THEY DONT! I'm not sure what issue of Cosmo or Woman's Day or which broadcast of Oprah told them they are the seasons "must have", but I assure you, they are not the new little black dress. Its one thing to wear them under say a nice skirt because you ran out of razor blades and didn't shave your legs, but to wear them as is, with your mud flaps displayed for all to see is just plain wrong. Especially if your between 12 and 17 or 50 to 80. No one on this earth wants to see that nor should they be subject to its visual. For those women in the 18 to 49 range...go ahead, let those beef curtains fly, but remember we boys WILL be staring and we DO see each and every line, crease and curly little unwaxed nubbin.

There has also been some form of racially charged fashion joke being propagated by those folks whom most likely live in L.A. (lower alabama). Why else would perfectly fine, klan loving, gun toting rednecks be caught dead wearing a G-Unit shirt with under the ridge of their asses Phat Farm pants. Doesn't make sence, it's everything they should be against. Do flea markets only carry "black" clothes anymore? Has Bass Pro Shops stopped selling camo? Come on boys, you can't show up to the rallys with a colored girl on your arm and you sure can't show up with that Snoop Dog/Wu Tang logo embroided on your hood. Get real Sheep Fuckers.

One final thought. Everyone has puttering around the house clothes, club clothes, work clothes and I will never take that out of the closet clothes. Please remember which is which as they are NOT interchangeable. There is a place and time for every outfit. Not only is the previous statement accurate it is also the standard by which bastards like me will judge you when we see you in public. We will use your outfit as a first impression from 20 feet away and decide if you are in fact a sheep fucker before we even meet you. If your not sure if your outfit is appropriate for the day your about to spend out, then it probably isn't. Go back to the closet, re-hang that gold camosole, put that red bra back in the drawer and wash that blue/red/gold/silver eye shadow off your face...its just a trip to the grocery store. Pull up your damn pants, tighten your belt, leave the ball cap at home and put on a shirt with BUTTONS and you just might land that drive thru job yet.