Because I have the please of seeing about 20,000 people a day, it's painfully obvious that most people either follow some sort of practical joke trend, don't have mirrors or wish they were someone else.
In the past year or so, I have noticed that women of all ages and (puke) sizes have come under the misconception that stretch pants make them look good. THEY DONT! I'm not sure what issue of Cosmo or Woman's Day or which broadcast of Oprah told them they are the seasons "must have", but I assure you, they are not the new little black dress. Its one thing to wear them under say a nice skirt because you ran out of razor blades and didn't shave your legs, but to wear them as is, with your mud flaps displayed for all to see is just plain wrong. Especially if your between 12 and 17 or 50 to 80. No one on this earth wants to see that nor should they be subject to its visual. For those women in the 18 to 49 range...go ahead, let those beef curtains fly, but remember we boys WILL be staring and we DO see each and every line, crease and curly little unwaxed nubbin.
There has also been some form of racially charged fashion joke being propagated by those folks whom most likely live in L.A. (lower alabama). Why else would perfectly fine, klan loving, gun toting rednecks be caught dead wearing a G-Unit shirt with under the ridge of their asses Phat Farm pants. Doesn't make sence, it's everything they should be against. Do flea markets only carry "black" clothes anymore? Has Bass Pro Shops stopped selling camo? Come on boys, you can't show up to the rallys with a colored girl on your arm and you sure can't show up with that Snoop Dog/Wu Tang logo embroided on your hood. Get real Sheep Fuckers.
One final thought. Everyone has puttering around the house clothes, club clothes, work clothes and I will never take that out of the closet clothes. Please remember which is which as they are NOT interchangeable. There is a place and time for every outfit. Not only is the previous statement accurate it is also the standard by which bastards like me will judge you when we see you in public. We will use your outfit as a first impression from 20 feet away and decide if you are in fact a sheep fucker before we even meet you. If your not sure if your outfit is appropriate for the day your about to spend out, then it probably isn't. Go back to the closet, re-hang that gold camosole, put that red bra back in the drawer and wash that blue/red/gold/silver eye shadow off your face...its just a trip to the grocery store. Pull up your damn pants, tighten your belt, leave the ball cap at home and put on a shirt with BUTTONS and you just might land that drive thru job yet.
March 31, 2010
March 30, 2010
Back Of The Bus Ewe
I have recently had the joy of riding a bus to my place of employment. No other reason than I hate to walk.
After the first few days, I couldn't help but notice the lack of etiquette/manners in most of my fellow travelers. First and foremost, if a lady needs a seat, give her YOUR damn seat. Manners 101. On my most recent trip a man in his late 20's was sitting in the front seat on the aisle and when we made the first stop a rather elderly lady climbed aboard. Noticing the inside seat next to sheep fucker was empty, she politely asked, "may I?". Upon which said sheep fucker did not move over, did not rise to get out of her way nor did he even acknowledge her presence as a human being. He simply crossed his legs and turned towards the aisle, allowing her to squeeze by to the inside seat. Mighty big of you douche nozzle!
Meanwhile, I'm about 3/4 of the way to the back of the bus accross the aisle from yet another elderly lady watching this whole nightmare in manners take place. Of course we struck up a conversation about it and made fun of the guy for being a sheep fucker and generally laughed and complained about people in general until our journey came to an end. At which point the 4 hood rats even farther back in the bus began pushing and shoving their way forward to exit the bus. WHAT THE FUDGE DAMN COOKIE! I proclaimed, not wanting to curse in front of the elderly women in my loud booming voice.
There is an unspoken BUS etiquette that everyone should know and if you don't you have never been to school, summer camp or jail. The bus empties from front to back, row by row. Nothing and no one has any right to change that under any circumstance. If you are dying or having a baby, jump out the back door, thats what its there for SHEEP FUCKERS!
After the first few days, I couldn't help but notice the lack of etiquette/manners in most of my fellow travelers. First and foremost, if a lady needs a seat, give her YOUR damn seat. Manners 101. On my most recent trip a man in his late 20's was sitting in the front seat on the aisle and when we made the first stop a rather elderly lady climbed aboard. Noticing the inside seat next to sheep fucker was empty, she politely asked, "may I?". Upon which said sheep fucker did not move over, did not rise to get out of her way nor did he even acknowledge her presence as a human being. He simply crossed his legs and turned towards the aisle, allowing her to squeeze by to the inside seat. Mighty big of you douche nozzle!
Meanwhile, I'm about 3/4 of the way to the back of the bus accross the aisle from yet another elderly lady watching this whole nightmare in manners take place. Of course we struck up a conversation about it and made fun of the guy for being a sheep fucker and generally laughed and complained about people in general until our journey came to an end. At which point the 4 hood rats even farther back in the bus began pushing and shoving their way forward to exit the bus. WHAT THE FUDGE DAMN COOKIE! I proclaimed, not wanting to curse in front of the elderly women in my loud booming voice.
There is an unspoken BUS etiquette that everyone should know and if you don't you have never been to school, summer camp or jail. The bus empties from front to back, row by row. Nothing and no one has any right to change that under any circumstance. If you are dying or having a baby, jump out the back door, thats what its there for SHEEP FUCKERS!
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